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Saturday, April 30, 2011

Help! How To Save A Marriage

By Areelitaha Joahlanski


When a person gets married it is one of the biggest decisions that they make in the course of their lives. Most marriages have ups and downs. Some are worse than others and they require help. Here are a few tips on how to save a marriage.

First and foremost there must be trust within the marriage. If the trust factor is broken or unsteady there will be issues that will take a lot of hard work to repair. Talking things out with your spouse is something that is a necessity. Without the ability to openly communicate with your spouse the troubles will more then likely escalate to a point that will make things even more difficult to make better.

Make sure that when your spouse talks to you that you pay attention to them and what they are saying. This is something that can mean more than anything to them even though you will not see it. Try to recall the way you communicated with one another when the relationship began as it was one of the things that got the two of you together.

List making is a great way to help solve problems. Put the good things on one side of a piece of paper and the negative ones on the other side. Make sure that you are totally honest with yourself when doing this. Once done the list, compare the two sides. See which things that you can correct on your own without your spouse. Black and white can make things seem a lot clearer to many people. Keep in mind that the marital problems are not all one person's fault. It takes two.

Try to rectify the things that you found on the list that you have the ability to fix. Whether it is an attitude issue, romance issue, whatever the issue may be, try to resolve the ones that are within your power. You alone can fix certain things on your own.

Always remember that we are human and need love and support from others to survive. The situation may seem to be hopeless, but that all depends on you and whether you are willing to make sacrifices and changes to save your marriage. Making a few changes may mean a lot to your partner and in return may give you a pleasant surprise. If you reach out for it, it can be yours!




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Friday, April 29, 2011

Couples Counseling Could Save Your Relationship

By Areelitaha Joahlanski


When my husband and I were going through a nasty spell we went to a trusted source for couples counseling and direction. It seemed more important to me at that time than it did for my husband, which made our relationship even more strained.

It isn't uncommon for one party to be inclined to go for help and the other to resist. The reason for this is a simple one. There is a deep concern inside some people, to keep their private life private. This can pose a problem when trouble in your "private" relationship might need some outside intervention.

You might think to yourself, that this is ridiculous, I don't need help with anything, we can work this out on our own. Well, it is my bet that if you are reading this article, then you need some outside help with your relationship.

There is no loss of points for anyone in this life who comes to the point where they realize their need for help. In fact, you should be rewarded for being honest with yourself and your mate that it might be time to seek counseling. This is a tough world these days and you are not alone in your struggles.

I have about four hundred friends and relatives and a close church family, and I truly don't know one single couple who hasn't struggled in some way with some thing. Don't think for a minute that just because someone is walking with Jesus that they don't have the same troubles as everyone else.

It might appear that they have it all handled but the truth is that they are waiting for God to work a miracle, to intervene in a mighty way and turn the bad to good. Don't wait for a bigger blow out before you get some counsel.

I recommend a Godly counselor, since they are motivated by the deep understanding that God wants to reconcile people and is against division. or, divorce. They will work harder at a resolution and practical steps for you two to take in order to cause a bad thing to become beautiful. The church we go to will counsel for free as a service to God, but some churches may charge, since the person or people counseling likely has all the credentials and is doing this for a living.

If you are not a Christian person, then you will still benefit from a church counselor. If you feel compelled to resist that type of couples counseling; then you might want to ask yourself why. If you come up with no truly good reason, then go. But in an effort to do something, please, take the advice of someone who knows, and go to someone, the phone book is full of good counselors who are qualified to help you and your mate. Pick up the telephone today and get started on the road to reconciliation, you will be glad you did.




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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

To Save Your Marriage-Takes Two To Save The Everlasting Marriage

By Areelitaha Joahlanski


Saving the marriage from going to separation or divorce can be hard at times, but did you know it takes both of you to save the marriage? One of you is going to say it's not me and the other going to say, but he or she is doing this. The question is why aren't you both saving your marriage? The relationship can be a hard thing to keep if you have that attitude towards each other. To save your marriage, it's going to take both of you the whole way to repairing your relationship.

The way to save a marriage is to find what you two like about each other. That means finding the memories of your wedding and why you got married. There are many people that do countless divorces and that isn't the way to go in life. the days before you get married is the ones you should be remembering if you want to get married to him or her.

The bond between both of you needs to be strong to survive through marriage. You will find saving the one thing you have together to be an everlasting moment. The time you spend with your spouse needs to be more often to show each other how much you love each other. The more time you spend the better for you both.

Renewing the vows can get you two thinking about the past and how much you too like each other. The bond you have during your vows is a great moment to remember. Therefore getting married again can give you too another chance at marriage again.

You can find the marriage to be easy to save when there is a stronger bond between each other.

You will find it easy to save your marriage when you both try rather then one of you trying.

To save your marriage the correct way is to enjoy every given minute with your spouse and show each other why you guys are together. The other thing you can try is to go on dates to spice up each others love life. You can find that it can save you and your spouse a lot of money from divorces. The divorce can be very hard for the kids you have together. Another thing to remember is that the kids go through a lot of pain as well and you should remind each other you guys have a responsibility of being there for them.




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Saturday, April 23, 2011

Can You Save A Marriage After An Emotional Affair?

By Areelitaha Joahlanski


Emotional affairs can be more damaging to a relationship then an affair that involved pure sexual lust or a one night stand. The fact that the heart and deep emotions were involved often strikes the person who has been cheated on much harder than knowing the spouse just fell in bed beside someone once or a couple times. So, is it possible to actually save a marriage after an emotional affair has taken place?

It is the emotional aspect that makes this situation so unbearable. Couples move past physical affairs and one night stands rather quickly, but the knowledge that one spouse had a serious intimate connection to someone else is much harder to brush aside or talk away.

There are a couple scenarios in which a marriage cannot move forward after this happens. The first scenario involves the person who was involved in the affair. That person has to first honestly assess whether they are over the emotional connection they had with this other person, or whether their heart is still in the affair. A marriage simply will not work if one person has more emotional investment with someone else.

Given that the affair is officially over, that outside emotional connection has been broken, or at least the person is sure that their feelings for their spouse are much more intense than the bond of the affair, then the next scenario moves to the spouse that was cheated on.

The spouse that was actually cheated on is fully entitled to feeling their own set of emotions, but in order to save the marriage they must also open their heart and their mind to the rekindling of romance with their spouse. Both people have to want the marriage to survive or it simply will not do so.

Once both people are on board and ready to move forward, then a period of time will be needed to restore an intimate connection with one another. Trust will have to slowly build up again. The marriage may never go back to exactly where it was before the emotional affair, but an even stronger bond can be formed and a new sense of happiness brought to life.

In order to save a marriage after an emotional affair open-hearted communication will be essential. Bitter arguments or throwing dishes is not helpful, but really talking so that everyone feels heard and validated will lead to action that can genuinely heal both people in time.




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Friday, April 22, 2011

Use These Tips To Win Your Husband Back

By Russell Strider


So the honeymoon is over. In fact, maybe it has been years since your wedding day. Are you worried that your marriage is taking a turn for the worse? Are you presently looking for strategies to win your husband back? While a number of relationships go sour and go out with a bang, it is not very accurate that the decline could not be prevented. In fact, most relationships may be mended in a way that both individuals concerned can be happy and feel fulfilled once more.

Naturally, a "one size fits all" solution doesn't exist. All individuals are different and so the mixture of two distinct individuals makes the relationship all the more distinctive. When men go astray or if they are not present, they do not engage or aren't actively involved in a relationship because they've lost, or are gradually losing, interest in their wives. This may be because of problems in the relationship, work and insufficient time, or simply because the woman is usually spending time looking after the kids.

This separation while living in the very same house can be intolerable, but there are actually very simple ways to breach that gap. Having a schedule could help. Once the husband gets home, he can be given a short while to unwind. Then he can go tend to the kids and then he could devote time with the wife. If the children interfere with the relationship, it could be a good thought to help the children become a lot more independent based on their age. Seeking to devote more time together with your husband may make it easier to win your husband back.

A large number of couples fight about money. Costs appear to continually rise and despite the fact that both people are working, they cannot afford to pay the bills or purchase everything they require, since these days everybody is getting less for their money. There's no easy way to get around this, but there are generally answers to just about every problem and communication will be the primary factor that can help you win your husband back.

Talk to one another. Plenty of people reside together however they do not really know one another. Communication can take any shape. It might be written - something like a simple note, or possibly a long letter. It is common knowledge that men aren't very good with communicating their feelings. That does not suggest that it must always be this way.

It can be a great idea for you to spend some time pursuing your own personal passions. You could enroll in a class at a community college, join a book club or even work out. This can enable you to feel a lot better about yourself, and this could help your husband look at you exactly the same way as when he met you. It seems that in most marriages the two men and women merge their personalities. They lose their own identity and fall into routines.

In truth, there are very easy cases and extreme cases. There's no impossible case. Every single case, regardless of how difficult, can be resolved. It simply takes motivation from both individuals. It also requires a great wish to win your husband back and take actions to accomplish that.




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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

You Don't need To Be In Control

By Dr. Vance Hardisty


Are you a controlling personality? Well, congratulations. You've been gifted with leadership qualities. Keep in mind, though, that there are those who lead sensibly, those who are mediocre in their leadership and some who are so obsessed with their need to control that they are downright ornery, or terrible or evil. The latter have used their gift of being leaders in the wrong way.

Men and women who are natural leaders are in every business, government and family. We all are affected by them in governing bodies, but especially in the family that is, basically, the center of our lives. Those within the family unit who have controlling natures would serve the family best if they didn't misuse those abilities.

Children need a measure of control throughout their childhood and teenage years. Parents need to be in charge and call the shots. As a child grows and matures, though, he is expanding his own abilities in the process of becoming an adult. The control that is exhibited over him/her by the parents also should be a progression, so that the "letting go" is gradual, giving a little more independence to the child, bit by bit, to keep pace with his maturing process. That way he/she will, in time, come to the point of being able to make good decisions without the parents supervising everything. If she/he starts making decisions that are immoral or harmful, though, as she nears adulthood, parents need to step in decisively and hard and do what is necessary to put a stop to it.

The marriage relationship is different altogether. Husbands and wives should not try to control each other. There is an order that should be set up, yes, with the husband as head of the family, for God ordained that. However, head of the family does not mean, as far as his wife is concerned, that the man has a right to bully her, dictate, lay down the law, ignore her, order her around, or do anything that does not show her honor. Husbands... honor your wife..." we are told in the Bible. Honor is a strong word.

However, if you are being controlled by your wife and it is hurting you and the family unit, take a look at our material to men so you can learn how to turn things around. If you are confused about the control issue, we've dealt with it at length in my books to men, Forever My Love and Keep Love Exciting & Lasting.

The wife is her husband's partner by divine selection. If she's the natural leader and thus the strongest personality of the two, she still shouldn't step into her husband's shoes, so to speak. If she would have a peaceful, happy home and children who are not confused about their sexuality, she'll allow her husband to fulfill his God given role as the one who makes the final decision if there is disagreement over an issue.

She'll praise him and hold him up as a role model for the children. A woman still can maintain her independence that way, but at the same time, she'll be assuring her husband's love and admiration of her. See why I have made those statements by reading my books written for women, Love Me Always and A Woman's Emotional Needs.

If you are a woman who is being controlled by your husband to the point where you feel smothered or a captive to his whims, there is no need to file for divorce. Learn what to do in our material for women and ensure your husbands reads my books written for him.

Here's a big What If? What if your husband or your wife is moving into an area that is immoral or harmful to his/her body, your marriage or the family unit. Then, by all means, you need to talk, get counsel, set your foot down and determine to stop it whether it's drugs, pornography, an affair, out of control anger, abuse, etc.

Who is boss is, as the old saying goes, a bone of contention in many families and has caused numerous breakups. Don't let it happen to you. Stop the hurt that's breaking your heart. Be loving partners, each concentrating on what you do best, tapping into each other's wisdom so you can form a powerful whole that will give your children a sense of security and a feeling that all is right with their world.




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Monday, April 18, 2011

The Father That Is A Wrecking Ball Of Lives And Marriages

By Dr. Vance Hardisty


A marriage seldom can be saved when a father becomes lewd and/or incestuous toward his children. Luckily, some men just need a wake-up call to straighten them out.

George and I (Margaret) were giving a marriage seminar when an attendee came up to me and said, "I've got a huge problem. See that guy over there in the second row...the one who is smirking? That's my husband." He wasn't hard to spot. "He refuses to get a job. I'm at work every day. Now I find out that he's coming on to our 16 year old daughter in a lustful way. She said to me, 'Mom, keep that creep away from me.'"

She did want to keep her marriage but only if his perverted behavior changed. "Quit your job," I said. "Don't inform him. Just quit. Then tell him that you no longer will be getting a paycheck and if he wants to eat, he's going to have to work. Also tell him that if he makes just one more lustful move toward your daughter or even looks at her in a sexual way - you're calling the police and will have him arrested." Later that week, we heard a knock on our hotel room door. She burst in, smiling "Thank you, thank you, thank you," she said. "It's working! I quit my job the next day after I talked with you. I told my husband and he found a job the same day I left mine. And - get this - he promised he would never make our daughter feel uncomfortable again. He apologized to her and me with tears in his eyes. He said, 'I don't want to lose either of you. I want to save our marriage and not have my daughter hate me."

I wish it always were so simple. Some improper dads, though, would prefer not to save their marriages, but end them in order to follow their lustful instincts. Woody Allen comes to mind. Allen, Hollywood film producer, has one biological child, Roman Seanas Farrow, who is quoted as saying: He's my father married to my sister. That makes me his son and his brother-in-law. That is such a moral transgression, I cannot see him. I cannot have a relationship with my father and be morally consistent. I lived with all these adopted children, so they are my family. To say Soon-Yi was not my sister is an insult to all adopted children.

Allen had several stepchildren, including Soon Yi, who was a Korean orphan, through his 12 year live-in relationship with actress Mia Farrow. Would Allen's and Farrow's co-habitation be considered a common law marriage? Maybe. Maybe not. That depends on many factors. There was no way of saving their relationship, though, when it was exposed that Allen had taken nude photos of Soon Yi. Yucky. He then admitted he had been having relations with the girl. He was 34 years older than she.

Allen had numerous stepchildren, as well as Soon Yi, who was a Korean orphan, through his 12 year live-in relationship with Mia Farrow, actress. Would Allen's and Farrow's co-habitation be considered a common law marriage? Maybe. Maybe not. That depends on numerous factors. There was no way of saving what little they had, though, when it was discovered that Allen had taken nude photos of Soon Yi. Yucky. He then admitted he had been having relations with the girl. He was 34 years older than she.

Allen's remarks that he probably should have done some things differently in that he could have ended his relationship with Farrow a lot sooner - revealed his lack of regret, empathy and love. That's born out by his attitude toward other marriages he'd had that he apparently made no attempts to save.

Allen's comments that he probably should have done some things another way in that he could have ended his relationship with Farrow a lot sooner - revealed his lack of regret, empathy and love. That's born out by his attitude toward additional marriages he'd had that he reportedly made no attempts to save.

With several marriages and long term lovers in his past and present, one wonders what in the world attracted so many women to Allen It must have been his genius, authority and money. It surely wasn't his looks. 1) If you are a father who is attracted sexually to one of your children; 2) if you are a woman married to such a man; 3) if you are a child who has a father who is making you feel uncomfortable by the way he acts toward you - please, all of you, get help. Such predatory behavior is not typical. It is wicked. Incest is condemned by God.

1) If you are a father who is attracted sexually to one of your children; 2) if you are a woman married to such a man; 3) if you are a child who has a father who is making you feel uncomfortable by the way he behaves toward you - please, every one of you, get help. Such predatory behavior is not normal. It is evil. Incest is condemned by God. While you are getting help, set your thoughts on preserving your relationships in a healthy manner, saving your marriage; healing your souls and minds; and moving into line with God's guidelines.




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Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Sting Of An Unfaithful Spouse

By Dr. Vance Hardisty


Ethan, a professional man, was angry and calling his wife all sorts of names when he came to us. "She's having an affair with a guy she met at a roller skating rink. I just found out." He became very tearful. "What can I do? I love her. I want to save my marriage." He swallowed hard. "I don't understand. I try to be a perfect husband."

But he hadn't been a good husband - not really. At least, not in her opinion. When I had the chance to talk with her she told me, "I put up with him as long as I could. I needed someone who would love me the way I needed." Although they blamed each other, both were at fault; but in her disillusionment she started looking elsewhere outside her marriage and "fell in love" with the first guy who gave her attention. She began a love affair with him. That didn't last, so she was off looking for another guy. Meanwhile their children floundered.

People have more reasons to justify their forays into adultery than a centipede has legs. Fortunately, physical adultery still shocks people - and especially if the faithless are famous, like Tiger Woods, or Jesse James, the husband of Sandra Bullock. At this time, it doesn't look like either one is going to be able to save his marriage. Having sex with someone other than your own spouse can smash trust, destroy your marriage and damage your children.

Mental infidelity and emotional disloyalty are adulterous, too. A person can have sex mentally with someone else and no one is the wiser unless the porn or email correspondence that reveals their indulgence is discovered. Emotional disloyalty, by choosing someone other than your spouse as your closest confidant and friend, when there are romantic undertones, chips away at married closeness and can escalate into physical betrayal.

V:3 Once trust has been destroyed, most of those marriages fail. It is at that point in time that the one who cheated sometimes realizes just how much he/she has sacrificed, and there is a desire to make things better. Can it be done? Absolutely. Will it be easy? You already know the answer to that. But with the right information, it is a lot easier than most think.

Some of the biggest problems arise when the one who has had the affair is sorry, swears he/she will never do it again and then expects the offended one to forgive and forget and let the marriage go back to the way it was immediately. Forgiveness is only the first part of the process. It takes time and some very specific actions on the part of the offender. Second, though the one who has cheated often just wants things to go back to normal - they really DON'T want that. That NORMAL was what got them into trouble in the first place. What they want is a better, stronger, happier marriage. They just don't know how to get it. The good news is that things can improve. Time after time, we have seen couples who have experienced adultery go through the rebuilding process, follow the steps that they need to follow, and find that they didn't just save their marriages, they made them much better than before.

It is important to be clear. We are not advocating adultery in any way shape or form. It causes incredible pain and suffering to everyone involved and makes the process of crafting a better marriage much harder.

If you are in a difficult union, it is far easier to start right now, using clearly defined steps, like those we at Love Relationship Headquarters have laid out, to make the marriage you have dynamic and exciting. You can prvent the pain of cheating and improve your relationship. Find us and all the steps you need, whether you have gone through the frustration of adultery or not at www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com.

You ask us, "Can you save my marriage?" We would ask you to look in the mirror and ask, "Can WE save this marriage?" We can help, yes, but the actual process takes two - you and your spouse.




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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Oh, Just Stop Worrying!

By Dr. Vance Hardisty


Worry can drive a person crazy. It can drive another person crazy. It can deteriorate a marriage and your relationship with your children. Psychology tells us not to worry. Medical doctors tell us not to worry. Nutritionists and other health practitioners tell us not to worry. Worry brings on poor health. It ages us. It robs us of joy. The Book of ultimate knowledge, the Bible, tells us not to worry. Jesus said:

..who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the span of his life? Matthew 6:27 - remember that?

So your marriage isn't doing that well? Worry won't resolve a thing. Action will. Go to our site for men and our site for women for material that will show you what actions to take.

Another Scripture is very clear:

Be anxious for nothing, but in prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6 and 7

Besides action to make sure you keep your marriage, there is something else you can do. TRUST. Trust in your abilities and decisions. Trust that your spouse and your family have some common sense. Trust in God and the Lord Jesus Christ. Trust in the message that we have been privileged to deliver to you.

Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn away from evil. It shall be health to your nerves and sinews and marrow, and moistening to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8 (Amplified version)

We're here to help you - in all kinds of ways. Save your marriage. Save your life.




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Friday, April 15, 2011

People Who Say "Yea But"

By Dr. Vance Hardisty


We dealt with a man lately who blamed his money troubles on his wife. He finally admitted some of his mistakes. However, for each thing he said he messed up on, he would add, "Yea, but..." and then tell what she did that "caused" him to do what he did - whether it was buying a bigger, better car that he wanted, buying every toy in the world for their kids or doing poorly at his job.

Are you a "Yea, but..." person? Listen to yourself. Do you rationalize what you do or did when something goes wrong? Or do you take responsibility? How often this week have you blamed someone else or something else for anything that went wrong?

Once when George and I were interviewed on a national television show, a well known male vocalist who sang on the same program and who had made a number of albums, walked up to us with his wife. They were a striking looking couple - both handsome and personable. She worked as a coordinator of whatever was going to air, so we had seen her dashing about the stage

"We would like you to keep this hush-hush," he said in a low tone of voice. We assured him that we had no trouble keeping confidences. "Our marriage is in trouble," he continued. "Can you come to our house tonight and talk with us?"

We did but we wished we hadn't. That evening was one of the worst we had ever experienced. Neither of them would let the other talk. In fact, they wouldn't let us talk. She was too busy screaming at him. He was too busy yelling back. Their faces were red with fury. Accusations flew back and forth. She blamed him. He blamed her. This went on until 2:00 in the morning.

George or I both tried to interfere, but it was as if we weren't there. We even tried to out-yell them at one point to get their attention, but that didn't work either.

I wish I could tell you that we broke through. We didn't. Finally, we headed for the door. They were still making the walls vibrate as we stepped out into the night air. I'm not even sure they saw us leave. We just hoped one of them wouldn't cause trouble. Neither could see his or her own faults, weaknesses and selfishness. They were blame people... "Yea, but..." people who excused themselves but not each other. They were toxic to one another.

No matter your age, no matter your accomplishments in life, if you look for someone else to hold responsible when....you can't find your keys...you missed an appointment...you're in financial difficulties...you don't have satisfying sex...you can't get a date...your children are tricky...the meat got burned...whatever it is...understand this: Such behavior is proof that you have a huge hunk of immaturity boiling around inside of you.

"Yea, but I wasn't the one who..." Woops! There you go again. If you want to be a really grown-up person, look waaaay back to the beginning of any problem you have and view it with a critical eye so you can be honest about your part in it.

And if you want to be a really, really mature person, even if you decide that you had no fault at all in a given matter, refuse to point the finger or accuse. Just say, "Hey, but for the grace of God, I might have done the same thing." Or, "We all make mistakes. I've made plenty in my lifetime." Forgive and try to forget.

"Yea but..." people hurt their marriages. In our books and material for men, and our books and material for women, we get to the root cause of problems, of bad feelings, of temptations to end a marriage rather than save it, and a whole lot more. Once you understand what's behind it all, then you are in a position to do the right thing. You will heal your life and your marriage.




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Thursday, April 14, 2011

High Hopes For This Marriage

By Margaret Hardisty


Tom and Susan walked into my office. No, this was not an official session. Just a couple of friends and me sitting down to talk over their relationship. They had been arguing on a regular basis, like a couple of days out of every week. Some of it had to do with his anger, jealousy and past experiences. Some of it had to do with her sharp tongue and dominating personality.

After I listened for a while, I asked them how often they'd been fighting over the last few years. Their reply, "I think we've gone a record four weeks without fighting."

What!!? I could see that they weren't kidding. I realized right there that if they didn't do something radical, they would never save their marriage. So I asked them if they wanted to continue living in their relationship as it was right now. Both of them agreed that they hated it and wanted things to change.

After asking them a couple more questions, it became clear that they weren't dealing primarily with problems in their marriage. Their relationship was only bringing out the weaknesses and problems in their own personalities and history of experiences. Neither one of them had ever spent time working through those problems, and as a result, they were bringing their personal flaws into their union and then attempting to build a healthy relationship on the weaknesses that were rampant in their own individual lives.

That may sound confusing, but we see this all the time in couples who are struggling, even though they still want to save their marriages.

Tom really loved his wife, and it all of a sudden dawned on him that he needed to find a mentor or counselor who would help him deal with his issues of anger and jealousy, so that those things would no longer influence his relationship with her. Susan realized that she was going to have to find a mentor or counselor to help her temper her sharp tongue and learn how to quit dominating Tom.

Tom really loved his wife, and it suddenly dawned on him that he needed to find a mentor or counselor who would help him deal with his issues of anger and jealousy, so that those things would no longer impact his relationship with her. Susan realized that she was going to have to find a mentor or counselor to help her temper her sharp tongue and learn how to quit dominating Tom.

We began Tom on our material for men, and Susan on our material for women. When they left my office they had great hope that they would be able to save their marriage.

My hopes are high. I'll keep you posted.




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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Truth of Real Love

By Dr. Vance Hardisty


A marriage counselor in our area was talked about enthusiastically throughout an entire page of our newspaper lately. The reporter was excited because this woman counselor said essentially: Go ahead - quarrel! Yell at each other! Get angry! Fight! It will strengthen your marriage.

Sorry, but she's full of nonsense, professional or not. All she is showing, as far as we're concerned, is that she hasn't learned to manage her own emotions or her counsel to others hasn't worked any other way. It got her a lot of attention, but in actuality what she is touting has the opposite effect. It might clear the air to let it all hang out on a temporary basis, but in the long run, there will be things said and actions taken that will bruise and hurt in ways that never will be forgotten.

Over a period of time, people who take their anger out on each other will weaken, not strengthen, their marriages. That isn't real love. When you love someone, you don't treat them like dirt, even when you're hot under the collar. The only people who benefit from that type of behavior are strong willed, controlling individuals who really don't care whom they hurt.

Yes, sometimes to exhibit real love you have to show a glint of steel in your eyes or harden your voice so your partner will know you mean business, but it should be brief, infrequent and with their good in mind.

What this counselor is proposing is an antithesis to what God tells us. Here is a quote that you can memorize today so it will sink deeply into your subconscious and become part of your life. In fact, it would be good to have your family memorize it. We're quoting from the Amplified version of the Bible which makes it more understandable, but it also makes it a little longer. It's a description of what being in love with someone is and should be:

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy; is not boastful or vainglorious; does not display itself haughtily.

It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.

Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way; for it is not self-seeking: it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it.

It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person; it's hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything.

To study it further, dust off that Bible that your grandmother gave you and read in the New Testament in the book of I Corinthians, Chapter 13.

We agree with you right now - no one can live up to that description of love completely - but our wager is, you can do a lot better job in showing bona fide affection than you are doing now. Don't use this to hammer at your wife or husband or your teenager to straighten them out - but treasure it as a guide to correct yourself.

Needless to say, these passages are not telling you to stop being a man or to become a weak woman, to quit being tough when you have to be, to quit being strong; but it's telling you to temper those areas in your life by being aware of the feelings of others and showing gentleness and compassion.

Think of ways today where you can better become a person who really knows how to really be in love with your wife or husband - and, as a bonus, your children, who sometimes drive you up the wall. If you do, you won't be asking us, "How can I save my marriage?" It will put a bounce in your step and a song in your heart.




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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Help Your Man Strive For Excellence

By Dr. Vance Hardisty


Robert Frost, who struggled for years prior to his poetry being published and he became famous, is quoted as saying: "I'm against a homogenized society because I want the cream to rise." Frost taught poetry at Dartmouth college. This white haired, bearded man of confidence who exuded excellence in his field impressed many a student.

He took his analogy from what used to be common knowledge before people bought homogenized milk in grocery stores. The richness of a cow's milk in the ordinary barnyard of old was calculated by how much thick cream rose to the top of the milk after it came from the cow's bag and set for awhile. Once the cream rose, it was skimmed off to be used in many, marvelous ways. It was a delicacy, the best of the best.

Frost, then, who wanted the cream of society to rise to the top was referring to excellence in human accomplishment - the person who says no to be ordinary - who works to accomplish something special in his or her life.

Your husband may not have found his niche in life as yet. Or he may have. Either way, he is very, very extraordinary and is meant to become more than he is at the present time. Build him up and help him become the "cream" that rises. In our women's material, we show you how.

Meanwhile, encourage him daily with such phrases as:. "You have what it takes." "I know you can do it." "So it didn't work out this time. Keep trying. It will happen just at the right moment." I have faith in you." And keep assuring him: "I didn't marry you because of what I thought you could be someday. I married you because I love you. I'll keep loving you, no matter what happens." "Let's take a look at what you do best so you can place your efforts there."

Meet his requirements, just as you want him to meet yours. There is more to that guy than you ever dreamed.




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Monday, April 11, 2011

Larry King's Ongoing Marriage Saga

By Dr. Vance Hardisty


Not long ago I made reference to the abysmal record Larry King has in regard to marriage and wives. His 8th hookup to Shawn Southwick is in the dissolving stage, and although it was reported that they were trying to save the marriage, I suggested that you not hold your breath. Since then, Southwick, according to police reports, purposely took an overdose of drugs.

King is touted as being sexy, appealing and attractive to women, and many theories as to why are suggested by "experts." It certainly wouldn't appear to be his looks. For example, some say it's because he pays attention and since women have a need to be listened to, they are drawn to him. Or...he is non- threatening whereas many men are too domineering with women. Or the ladies can't resist what will become theirs: riches, power, and prominence. Other theories persist; and frankly, although they seem to be correct to a point, they miss the mark overall...the bottom line.

When a man goes through wives as if he were sorting garbage, we need to hearken back to the core reasons why the women want out after awhile, in spite of the wealth, glory and position they acquire by association. Those main reasons are in my books and other material. Throughout I explain the whys, wherefores and what men should do to keep their wives from being crushed.

I can say for a moment here that women have emotional needs that men are ordained by God to meet. There are historical as well as obvious contemporary reasons for my saying that. If the men fall short in that regard, the women, no matter how beautiful they are and how successful or not successful the men are, wilt and can slip into despair.

Shawn Southwick seemingly is a typical case. Beautiful, vivacious, and the mother of two of King's children, she reportedly became addicted to prescription drugs in 2008. Why? After all, according to the standards of the world, she had everything. Aside from the core reasons I mentioned above, let's look at one evident possibility. If reports are true that King has been in a sexual relationship with Southwick's sister (which he supposedly denies), that would explain a lot, would it not? A woman can be destroyed by her husband having an affair with anyone - let alone the horrors of that person being her sister.

Add to that a man who seems not to care - we're told that he took days to come to Southwick's side when she took the overdose - and we get a profile of a man whose idea of romance is to woo, win, shut out and drop.

Since I've guided hundreds, I also see a pattern here - a left brained man who seeks out right brained women - but who is not willing to make necessary changes to supply the ladies' innermost needs. For example, although he listens on his show to his interviewees, does King listen and talk with his wife? That's unlikely. Left brained people aren't spontaneous communicators. Another example: the man appears retiring and almost vulnerable on TV, a factor that may bring out the mother instinct in women. That's his persona that works well as a talk show host; but at home, it's reported that he is different, very strong and definitely in control. That's okay. My husband is like that, too, but he lessens it with tenderness, kindness and lots of attention. Essential.

Ah, well, the world is full of Larry King's, (whether they are famous or not) and their unhappy wives. I don't want you to be so silly. Your marriage is worth saving and can be saved by your making a few adjustments. If you say, "My marriage is doing just fine," please trust me when I say that it can be better. That's what we're all about - getting to the core reasons behind unhappiness in relationships and proceeding on that knowledge.

Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com




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Sunday, April 10, 2011

No Talkie - No Nookie!

By Dr. Vance Hardisty


Anna was angry when she stalked up to us after a seminar with her husband trailing behind her. "Our marriage is in trouble because, frankly, Tyler won't talk to me. If he ever does open his mouth, it's only about him. He's just like my dad. He wouldn't talk, either." Tyler's response was, "I can't get a word in edgewise. She always dominates the conversation. And if I do say anything, she finishes my thoughts for me or criticizes what I've said."

Jackson's problem was almost the same. "Alyssa refuses to join in with any of the conversations the kids and I have. We ask for her opinion but she acts bored or yawns. Sometimes she leaves the room. She acts irritated when we laugh. I want to keep this marriage, but she's no fun." Alyssa sighed deeply. "I enjoy hearing them," she said. "It's just that talking is not something I feel comfortable doing. Besides, Jackson does enough for the two of us. That's all he does - talk, talk, talk. I wouldn't mind that so much if he wasn't always hounding me to respond."

Both of these marriages were salvaged because the parties came to understand that opposites attract and they were able to make the adjustments necessary to come to a meeting of the minds.

Marriages don't come apart simply because of what someone says until long after other factors have entered their reality. However, they are weakened considerably when husbands and wives don't understand that couples think and converse differently. If you're a non-talker, you probably married a talker. If you're a person who likes to talk, you probably married a non-talker. Although all of us have some things in common with those we love, in most cases, temperament rules our likes and dislikes. It also rules the way a person carries on - or doesn't carry on - a conversation.

Apply that thinking to when you first met the one you promised to love and stay with the rest of your life. Wasn't it the same then? One of you talked a lot. The other didn't, although the non-talker probably put out more effort to converse. Either way, the difference in how little or how much you both communicated would have been obvious. However, because you were trying to impress and desired to be impressed during the falling in love stage, you were willing to overlook the fact that the distinction between you was noticeable - if not to you, then to anyone else who might have been observing. It's unfair and unkind to think that, even though you were attracted to someone who was different than you, now you have a right to be upset if he or she doesn't behave the same as you.

Don't be quick to quit a marriage just because you can't get your spouse to be more like you. Even if you should toss your present union out and opt for a new one, you'd soon learn that the next person in your life they would soon become a lot like the last one you dumped. The reason? We each are attracted to certain types of people and that seldom changes. You'd soon be facing much the same type of problems with just a little different face on them. It's far better to save your present marriage by focusing on the strengths that attracted you to your husband/wife in the first place and minimize those things you don't like.

We have tackled the issue of communication head on in all of our books and material because it is a factor in preserving marriages. We reveal why some people converse easily and others don't. We also show talkers how to reduce their talk and non-talkers how to be more communicative so they not only can protect their marriages but, if they've reached the end of their patience, they can save those marriages. You'll find us at: www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com.

Margaret Hardisty is an International Best Selling Author and Speaker Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com.




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Saturday, April 9, 2011

Tips For Saving Marriage From Divorce

By Mike Stanzi


If you and your spouse are having problems, then you are likely wondering just what kind of saving marriage tips might be able to help you save your relationship. No one wants to get divorced. If there is a chance that you can save your marriage, you no doubt want to do everything you can. If you need some advice, then consider reading; the following tips may help you.

Many marriages end in divorce because the spouses just stop spending any time with one another. You can start trying to save your marriage simply by taking the opportunity to spend as much quality time with your husband or wife as possible. Quality time is enormously important. Quite often, marriages end because there is no communication and no time spent together.

Next, you want to make sure that there is some romance in your relationship. For instance, writing some letters to your husband or wife can absolutely do wonders and will certainly make your spouse feel extremely good. Another great thing is date nights - while cheesy, they do work.

Do not let your marriage lack excitement. That is often an issue between divorcing couples. Their relationship is simply no longer exciting. They do not go out with one another any longer. Just because you are marriage does not mean that you cannot date. You and your husband or wife should set aside some time each week for a date night.

Compliments are another thing that a lot of people take for granted. Most of the time, when a marriage is failing, both spouses feel self conscious and they definitely do not like who they are and how they look. If you give a compliment to your spouse, you will absolutely feel great about yourself and he/she will feel incredible as well.

Not so surprisingly, you have got to let your husband or wife know that he or she is your number one priority. Letting your spouse know that he or she is important can go such a long way. Simply telling your spouse "I love you," buying him or her flowers, cooking a favorite meal - they can all do wonders.

Saving marriage from heading into divorce is a difficult task and it is not something that should be taken lightly. You may end up having to go to therapy, so make sure that you are ready for that. Saving a marriage is time consuming and it is totally worth it in the long run.




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Friday, April 8, 2011

A Universal Remedy For The Problem Of Fading Marriages

By Tristinia Kalataks


Those who find themselves in a failing marriage with no hope for redemption and no saving grace to look forward to would have already tried everything to make the relationship work. There is however no harm in trying something fresh and new and with a lot of positive attributes attached to itsuch as the book Save My Marriage Today.

The thing with Amy Waterman's book, Save My Marriage Today is that it does not require mutual effort on the part of both the partners. Even if it's just one person seeking to correct the situation, that will do. Most counselors stress on the need for cooperation and commitment from both partners to salvage a marriage that's on the verge of collapse. This course however requires only either of the parties to be committed to the cause. It also destroys many popular myths surrounding what old timers would brand as sound advices.

Apart from listing out the common mistakes made by couples looking to turn around their failing marriages, it also demolishes certain myths surrounding popular ideas that have been traditionally known to work in favor of saving a marriage. It is a step by step course that lists out six important things that should not be done in a marriage and six other that need to be done. It lists the six main reasons why marriages fail and uses demographic statistics to site the common reasons for failure.

Save My Marriage Today reviews the common problems that most relationships are prone to and those seemingly insurmountable odds that most marriages bump into at some point or the other like falling out of love with your spouse, cheating and infidelity on the part of the spouse, lack of communication, issues surrounding bloated ego's etc.

The course also enumerates various practical solutions to overcome all these mentioned problems and more and help salvage a declining marriage and prevent divorce. The course also helps dispel myths surround popular advices from parents and friends and even marriage counselors. For example it says that begging your partner for a second chance or pleading with your partner to save the marriage always works to the detriment of the marital relationship. The solutions include ways to fall back in love with your spouse after feeling completely out of love or the different methods to employ to make your spouse fall in love with you again and also stresses on the importance of communication.

The course can be undertaken for a sixty day trial period within which if you are not satisfied with the results, you could always demand your money back which makes it a win-win situation for the buyer and stamps the seal of credibility over the product and the effectiveness of its approach. The course costs only a fraction of what most marriage counselors charge per session and is a cheaper alternative which might be the solution to fledge your sagging marriage and put it back on the track of longevity and happiness.




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Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Fallout After Divorce

By Margaret Haristy


Usually when two people marry they do wonderful things. They also make appalling mistakes. Good and bad experiences cause stress, regardless.

For some people, stress strengthens and enables their relationship to grow stronger and better. For others, stress stretches their ability to cope and they decide that the problem must lie in the miserable fact that they are married. That's when the rationalizations begin, such as:It was all wrong from the beginning - we weren't really in love - the person that would have made me happy is still running around out there - if only I hadn't... If only...if only.

Life is full of if only thinking, what if's, why didn't I's, why did I's and every other reason we can think of to excuse our bad behavior. Everyone does this. And yet, many of those wrong choices we make, if we take a good hard look at them and put forth the right effort, actually bring about something better that wouldn't have happened otherwise.

Continuing the making of wrong choices, though, can become like the proverbial jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. We see that a lot when there is a divorce and the now-single ones start looking for that dream guy/woman that they missed the first time around.

Do I ever suggest divorce? Rarely. In extreme cases, I tell wives - or husbands - to distance themselves, using necessary caution to protect themselves, and do what they can to get their spouses to seek out professional help. Those are cases of: flagrant physical abuse; serial sexual adultery (think Tiger Woods); deliberate emotional and mental cruelty; desertion, or insanity that endangers the family. Then if the ones they distanced themselves from decide to divorce, so be it.

If people are normal, however, divorce usually is one of the worst choices that they can make, for several reasons:

1) The fact that they once loved each other enough to promise to stay together no matter what, means that their love can be reinstated and their marriage saved. That's assuming that they know how to do it. We've gone into that in great detail in our books and other material written for men and books and material written for women. We've seen many marriages changed and saved as a result.

2) Third and fourth marriages have a far less chance of survival than first marriages. The participants are attracted to the same type of person, fundamentally, and still haven't learned the bottom line lessons for making a marriage superb.

3) No matter how you rationalize it to make yourself feel better, the truth is: children of divorce suffer in so many ways, both seen and unseen, that I can't begin to touch upon them here.

4) Extended family suffers, in addition. The awkwardness that comes from families that are torn apart causes heartache and lots of problems.

5) Both parties suffer a great deal of emotional distress, one way or another. Marriage makes two people one, according to the Bible, and when a split occurs, even if it's a miserable union, it's as if half of you has been ripped out of your life.

6) Money problems are multiplied, whether you are wealthy or not. Here are a few examples:

Chris's wife talked him into giving her the lion's share of what he had so that he had trouble buying gas to commute to work.

Jasmine listened to her devious ex's pleas to move to the same state he resided in, to be closer to their children. She moved to the same state and because community property is not recognized in that state, she lost her right to receive alimony. Suddenly she was without funds and unable to get a job.

Elin Nordegren reportedly received a huge settlement from Tiger Woods.Despite the fact that he made some huge mistakes that caused the divorce, it must sting, a lot. His golf game suffered, as well as his relationship with his children.

If you are contemplating divorce or are in the process, stop right now. Find out why and correct it. Even if you are in the throes of thrill with the prospect of having someone new, trust us when we say - the thrill is temporary - and you likely will come out feeling much worse in the end, eventually, than you do now. Let us help you save your marriage and make it better than ever.




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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Bringing Along With Marriage Guidance That Are Productive

By Bing Wang


If you are looking for marriage advice, you may not have any notion as to where to find it at all. There are, of course, places for finding the type of advice that can save a marriage, but it may be possible that all you need to do is look closely at your own marriage and see if on your own you may find things to better the situation.

Have you begun to simply bore each other? Do you feel that your marriage has become rather sour? The best marriage advice in this situation would be advice that you could use in order to reignite your feelings for each other. Passion is vulnerable to fading as time passes, but it may be possible to reignite it so as to bring your marriage back to the kind of exciting state it used to be a long time ago. This could lead to your appreciating each other's company again, rather than just looking at each other without really seeing each other.

Have you thought about just going in for a break together? Perhaps the reason is really ripe for this because your workaday world may have gotten you a lot of stress. Getting away from all that may well be just what the doctor ordered. Leave your kids with grandma and grandpa, and have a carefree time with each other for a while.

Another good idea is to get yourself together with other married couples, married couples whose marriages seem to be really happy. When you are doing things together with a happily married couple, you yourselves are going to behave more like them than your usual grouchy selves.

Do you realize that a relationship needs to have fun in it to survive? If all the daily stresses that come with everyday existence have drained your marriage of things that used to be fun, you need to take some significant steps to see if you can bring the fun back into your marriage. On occasion outside aid may be needed to fulfill this desire.

If you are like most people, you have probably entered into your marriage with expectations that were perhaps too high. High expectations can lead to disappointment just because they are unrealistic. So don't give up on each other too easily. See if you can come down from high expectations and find true joy in the possibility of reconnecting with each other on a level playing field. This way the love that brought you together in the first place may well be rekindled and get all fired up again.




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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

What A Beautiful Wonder

By Margaret Hardisty


A turtle dove family moved onto a platform on a pillar that we prepared for them. We watched them add their furnishings the place and could have given them a lot of suggestions, but they weren't open to that. We oh'd and ah'd when their eggs were laid, hatched and became babies that pecked their way into the world. The feeding process also was fascinating.

Shortly before and after the turtle doves settled in, though, a house finch couple flew around looking for a place to nest. So we constructed a little box and secured it to the wood beam that lay under the eaves about 6 feet away from the doves. Four days later, the finches inspected the place, decided to rent and began the moving process. The male, with his glorious orange throat and chest, flewout of sight but the female brought twigs, leaves and more to line the box. Once she had all her furnishings in the box, she arranged them. Then she re-arranged it. No, the couch looks better over...uhhhh...here. Yes, that's fine. I saw her move one bunch of tiny branches from one side to the other several times. It took days for her arrange it just the way she wanted it. She laid her eggs, but her man still hadn't shown up as far as I could see. She'd take her breaks, leaving the eggs on their own for short periods of time while she grabbed a bite, but then back she'd come.

This went on for at least a week. I was about to get thoroughly put out with Mr. Finch when all of a sudden...he was there, his brilliant, beautiful colors catching the sunlight as he flew to sit on the edge of the box. And then my breath caught in my throat because...he fed his wife! She twittered and acted the female she was, admiring the male that he was. The babies had hatched! She hadn't dared to leave them alone anymore. Papa had a job now and he performed it well, feeding her at periodic intervals; and she, in turn, used what he gave her to feed the new arrivals. When the baby birds were larger and she could leave them for short periods of time, he took over the baby feeding.

Isn't that the way God designed a human male, as well - to provide for his wife and children? To protect? To keep watch? Yes. Doing so makes him manly. Very manly. And most men desire that. Most women want that. Whether he works outside or in the home...whether he brings hoards of money or a meager paycheck...he provides for his own in matchless ways. Just his very presence is security for the family.

So, since women are delightful and necessary for men, and men are a delight and a necessity for women, why are there so many divorces? And why must we here at Love Relationship Headquarters be focused on saving your marriage and saving the marriages of others that we find very little time to feed the wild birds? Why is it so vital that we lead you toward what to do to make your relationship better and more exciting? Why is it important for us to guide Singles in finding the right man or woman?

There a plethora of reasons why people ruin their relationships, and why we address them. However, a major one involves a woman's innermost emotional needs. The male birds provide what's needed for their females. And men need to provide what's needed for their women. We explain all of that - the whys and how's - in our men's books Keep Love Exciting & Lasting and Forever My Love and in our women's books Love Me Always and A Woman's Emotional Needs. The Finch family babies still haven't flown at the time of this writing. We can see their little heads popping up and their wings expanding, but they still need to be cared for. Their doting father suddenly appears, flashing the glory of his colors and his love and providing food to keep them happy and growing. What a beautiful wonder that little bird is.

I feel the same way about devoted and loving husbands and fathers. What a wonder they are. And I want - we want - to do everything we can to make sure their marriages remain secure. It is as God intended.




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Monday, April 4, 2011

Marriage Counseling And What You Can Do

By Micheille Tsunga


Marriage can be a very stressful thing for some people when problems arise within it. To seek out help through marriage counseling is something that many procrastinate on doing, but it is there for those that want it. With the technology of today we can reap all the benefits without leaving the house.

Many emotional problems stem from marital issues. They can cause huge health issues to the person as well. Not being able to control the feelings that we have can be a huge problem within a marriage, especially if there is a lack of communication. Recent times have brought a lot of changes in regards to marriage counseling, one of them being the choices available on the internet.

The convenience of being within your home looking for help is a godsend, let alone the money that can be saved. Many websites are out there offering the service of helping a troubled marriage. One in particular is Save My marriage Today.

A very enthusiastic woman has developed a system that can help couple's that are having problems. Being tired of seeing relationships end in a bad way made her come up with a way to try and help the resolve problems, before it was too late. This brilliant woman has been a writer for many years on topics that relate to relationships and issues that occur within them. Her insight can help enlighten us on what is wrong with a situation before it is lost forever. Determination and a bit of effort is all that is needed from us.

Couples of any kind can find issues in the E-course that she created that are applicable to the situation that they are in. No matter what the problem is she has covered it in the Save My Marriage Today E-course. All she want is to see people happy with their partners and have a life of love. This brings a whole new meaning to marriage counseling. Save money, save time, why not?

There have been many people that have invested a small amount of money in this system to find it successful. Many more are discovering the option she has provided all the time. I have yet to hear a bad response about it. The more positive things that are said about the Save My Marriage Today way, the more are attracted to it. The price is right as well as the atmosphere.




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Sunday, April 3, 2011

Tips On Ways How To Save A Marriage

By Areelitaha Joahlanski


If you are looking for tips on how to save a marriage, then you have come to the right place. I'm sure there are a lot of things going through you're mind right now, maybe feeling alone. Well don't, there are many people who have gone through a divorce before, but we are going to concentrate on keeping things from reaching that point.

Congratulations on taking your first step towards saving your marriage. Clearly, you are willing put in the necessary effort. It appears you realized there was a need for a change and luckily, you did. Unfortunately, a majority do not realize until it is too late. Let's start now on ways to go about to save a marriage.

Sit down and talk with your spouse: People tend to have many different interpretations on what sitting down and talking involves. There is the right way and the wrong way. Right now, however we are not going to concentrate on the wrong way, but rather on an effective way to speak and listen to your spouse. Now listen very carefully, since relate on how to save a marriage:

Listen to them, as you would want them to listen to you. This is crucial. If you do not show them that you care about what they have to say, then why should they care about what you say? Ok, so I'm glad we understand each other. While they are talking, do not interrupt them, even if you do not agree with something they are saying. You will have your turn after they are finished saying what they have to say. If you don't listen to them, then you are never going to have an understanding to what the problem is.

When it is your turn to talk, let them know how you are feeling. Do not attack them for the things that they said. There is also no reason to get defensive. Concentrate more on the problems you are trying to resolve. It does not hurt to ask them to clarify, but not in an attacking manner. This is why "I feel" statements, do work. Work on giving your spouse the assurance that you will not repeat the same mistakes over again.

Make some plans to do some of the same things together as you used to. Surprise them with a gift or make their favorite meal, these are just a few of the little things that you might have done for them in the past and no longer do. Well, we tend to forget how much it means to the other person and they sometimes may take it, as we do not care.

Do not stop living with each other, unless it has already reached this point. Living apart makes it harder for most to get back together. It is an easier way to escape and not have to deal with the problems.

To do therapy or not to: Well, this is a question to consider. You may want to consider doing therapy on an individual basis. This will give you someone to talk to about the things that are currently going on and will give you a shoulder to cry on. Who knows, it could lead you to find something new about yourself. Try getting your spouse to go to marriage counseling with you. Marriage therapy benefits anyone, regardless to the extent of his or her problems. It also gives you a place to discuss delicate issues with a non-biased referee.

Therapy should always be a consideration. The negative stigmatization once attached no longer remains as once before. Individual therapy offers you a place to go and vent your frustrations. Just think of it as a helpful ear lend. If you can get your spouse to go to marriage counseling then this, I strongly recommend. Marriage therapy offers a place for the two of you to go and speak with each other in a healthy manner. Even those without major difficulties have found marriage therapy beneficial.

As everyone learns after the honeymoon phase of their marriage, it requires a lot of work from both people involved. Some are shocked after finding this out and this goes beyond their initial expectations, resulting in the end of the marriage. There are problems in any relationship and whether each within the relationship decide to face up to them together. The most important way to save a marriage is communication between both partners.




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Saturday, April 2, 2011

Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course Review.

By Areelitaha Joahlanski


Has your marriage been doing the 360 for the past few years? Have you been a silent by stander as your marriage went virtually nowhere but down? You might have thought of divorce or you probably still do. There are so many couples around the world that suffer from these and many more marriage related problems this is why 'save my marriage today premium home study course' is so useful. It is well designed and aimed at couples who are struggling with their marriage.

When I heard about this course I wanted to take a closer look at it to see what it could do for me. Here is what this course covers:

o You will learn how to steer your marriage away from danger and into the right direction. You will also learn how to bring the spark that creates love and happiness in a marriage.

o The course will outline what actions you need to take that will change your martial life for the better.

o For many people anger gets in the way and clouds their judgment making a hole in their marriage. You will learn just how to handle yourself when you are angry.

o You or your partner's gambling habit might be ruining your marriage? Even though these are evils that break couples apart there is still hope.

o The course will also cover cheating spouses. How you can take control of them.

o If you are having money problems Richard wheeler will help you make your marriage life a success.You will learn how not to let money get in the way.

o If you have a partner who suffers from chronic depression you should learn how not to let that get in the way. Don't stand by and watch your marriage gets downgraded.

o You will learn how to deal with negativity in your relationship, and how to better communicate.

When I was told bout this mini course by a friend I thought it might just be another scam. When I did manage to get my hands on the course and take a look at it I was surprised. It gave me a better understanding of how marriages work and what mistakes are made that break it up. This is one of those courses that both husband and wife should learn from.This course is very useful. What you learn in this course will change your marriage life forever.




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Friday, April 1, 2011

Angelic Or No In Your Life?

By Margaret Hardisty


One of America's most beloved artists was a man named Norman Rockwell. He created over 4,000 paintings, although the greater part of them have been ruined or are in private collections, such as The Peach Cup, which is an original that is now owned by movie director George Lucas and Triple Self-Portrait, a sketch possessed by Steven Spielberg. The Norman Rockwell Museum has its home in Stockbridge, Massachusetts - and is well worth the visiting if you admire his work.

Although it isn't considered by some to be one of his major works, a favorite of mine (whichwe do not own, I'm sorry to say), is A Family Tree, an original oil painting that is featured in a book we own Norman Rockwell, A Sixty Year Retrospective.

Shown on the top of this graphic illustration is a most angelic appearing little boy. Below him, his family tree is spread out underneath him. His parents are shown as a smiling housewife type mother and an austere father. His very first set of grandparents appear to be a solemn darkly skinned cowboy, whose wife is a blond - perchance a lady of the night. The other set of grandparents are resembled as a scholarly "dandy" alongside his well attired wife. It gets even better though. Great Grandpa is a mountain man with a great big bushy beard, his wife a Native American woman; while their contemporaries are puritans, the man that is wearing the clerical collar and with his tough-lady wife. Great-Great Grandfather is shown as a Civil War soldier who comes from the South with an incredulous spouse, the other set being a Civil War soldier who comes from the North with a diffident wife. It goes on until we go forward to quite a roughneck pirate and his equally as rough seeming lady friend.

Bits of DNA and traits from each of those individuals swirled through the family line to bequeath something to the makeup of the child who may look angelic but probably has more than a fraction of the rascal in him, as well.

Rockwell's humor develops throughout this painting, but like his other works, it also contains fascinating glimpses of truth about a slice of American life. We all, American or not, issue forth from a variety of individuals with diverse personalities, occupations, interests and experiences. Whatever mixed together to contribute to what you are today also got all mixed up with experiences and environment. There is enough variety there to allow you to be a unique, wonderful individual.

No matter what your experiences have been - good or bad - you can, if you determine to do so - use them for good. You don't have to be a certain way just because one of your ancestors was like that. Were you abused as a child? Does that mean you have to be abused now - or that you have to abuse others? Absolutely not. Did life keep you from realizing your dreams? So? Everyone has dreams they'll never realize; but everyone who wants to, can have other successes that turn into wonderfully satisfying endeavors.

If you are married, here's something you can do that can bind you closer together. Plan a time with your spouse in a quiet, romantic spot where each of you can share what you know about your respective pasts - the good things - and what dreams you had that might still be possible to achieve. Make up your minds as you do - and in fact, it would be good if you put your arms around each other and vow it - that you will not do anything purposely to prevent either of you from realizing at least one of your dreams. Be sure it isn't one sided; that it is reasonable; it is within reach; financially and practically (if you can't sing, don't aspire to be an opera star) and that above all, that it won't harm the marriage or the family unit. In fact, make plans about how you can encourage one another. You are going to be each other's most sincere fan - the rooting section for your lives. As your children - assuming you have any - see Dad supporting Mom and Mom supporting Dad, they will realize that they aren't the only ones in the universe; and yet they, too, can achieve just as their parents do. That's security for them.

That's why you must have both unity and love within your relationship. And that's why we have books and material for women and men to show you just how to do that. In fact, we are so anxious to assist you in saving your marriage from unhappiness, that we have spent a great deal of our lives producing material to help you achieve it. Go to our site now and get going, so your past won't affect your future except for good.

Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Love Relationship Headquarters




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