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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Stop A Divorce In Its Tracks With These Tips

By Russell Strider


Numerous people discover themselves in the devastating position where they are confronted by a spouse who is asking for a divorce. In the event your spouse is seeking a divorce and you would like to find a way for you to salvage the marriage and stop a divorce from occurring, then you'll want to take the time to really assess the relationship.

Despite the fact that there are actually a lot of different reasons why one man or woman in the relationship might be looking for a separation or divorce, it is vital to realize that even when an extramarital affair or other person has entered into the dynamics of the marriage, there is certainly still hope. You can actually stop a divorce at any time and reconcile your marriage when that is what both partners want.

The first thing you have to do if faced with the announcement that your partner would like a divorce will be to avoid overreacting. You don't need to start belittling, begging, name calling or pleading; not one of these actions is going to bring you any closer to your own hope of fixing the relationship and preserving the marriage. It can be difficult not to get too emotional, however it is advisable to take a step back and examine the marriage for exactly what it genuinely is. Chances are you can find things you have said or done which have added to the breakdown of the marriage and those are the issues you'll need to work out and take responsibility for. Even so, this is certainly not a good time to discuss all of the faults your spouse has, especially if your intention is to stop a divorce from taking place.

Your spouse is most likely interested in a divorce because they feel that they've lost their love for you, or they believe the issues inside the relationship are so large that they will never manage to get over them. No one wants to devote their life living in a relationship in which they are really unhappy. So, you'll really need to find the areas you can alter in yourself and focus on that, not on your spouse and their faults. It is not that your partner does not have any faults or has not contributed to the failure of the marriage; it's simply that you will really need to take a step back and give it a little time before those issues are dealt with.

Anywhere there was once love, this feeling can be restored. In some cases we imagine we have fallen out of love simply because we no longer experience those intense feelings we once had. We've fallen into a complacent way of life and the rut of going to work, doing chores, looking after the kids, paying bills and all of the other routine necessities of life have left you not showing the type of care and compassion that you did in the early stages. If you can, attempt to show your spouse small acts of kindness. Do not force them into changing their mind, but you can easily apologize for the things you might have done in the marriage and let them know that you want to change. Then, do it. Start working on making those changes promptly and do not throw it in your spouse's face, allow them to see your brand new attitude and behavior as opposed to talking about it. They will notice.

When you find out that your spouse would like to leave your relationship, or wants a divorce, it is often devastating. Don't forget, there are actually things it is possible to do to help resurrect that marriage; but you should never drive your partner further away.




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